A Month From He**

I'm sorry for the vulgar title of this blog, but I have no other way of putting it. This month has been a month of tests, of tears and anger, and one that I will take time to recover from. So without further ado, I'll dive into the post and talk about what happened. As much as I'm ready to publicly talk about anyway.

So Let's start with the beginning of September. Jacob and I had been doing pretty well. We still hadn't had a single fight or argument really. We had our mutual disagreements, but we didn't battle over them. I had been feeling really down because I just had to convert over to the long distance relationship thing with a kid I was so in love with and I wasn't taking it very easy. It was a very difficult piece of food for me to chew and really digest. I was constantly sad, I became clingy and overly emotional. I became extremely jealous because of all his chick friends he had made, and how they hung out all the time, and I barely heard from him or saw him. And I mean, really? Who would want to date that? So I did the only thing I could think of, taking a break from talking to Jacob in the hopes that I would become less attached, and that things would bother me less. The break lasted not even a day, so it was counter-productive. I couldn't just not talk to him. I loved him far too much for that, and I was already weak to begin with. And then he decided he wanted a break. It was then I knew he was gone. He found someone else and was going to move on and I knew it, I just didn't want to accept it. His break lasted three days, and he texted me late the third night wanting to talk. He said he didn't know what he wanted to do, and wasn't sure about me, and I suggested breaking off our relationship. No it wasn't easy, but I knew it was coming, and I had braced for it. So, on September 9th, my feet spiraled out from under me, and our relationship came to a close. I was in a state of emotional trauma and emotional free-fall. The week following was no easier.

We decided to keep close, and just stay friends. It was rough for me because I can't look at him as anything less than the guy I love, and the guy who has my heart so completely. I don't know exact days of when the next event happened but I will do my best to recount them as best as my memory will allow.

Jacob and I were talking about our breakup, and I told him that I didn't want the breakup, and that I wanted him back. He told me, though we hadn't been broken up for more than a week (I believe this was 3 days later in fact), he had already moved on and found someone else. I was crushed. We didn't talk for a couple days. I was pretty mad, and hurt. I felt that he lied to me because he told me he didn't want to date for a while, but turned around and went back on his word. I probably shouldn't have been surprised but I was. We didn't talk for a while again. And when we finally started to talk again, we discussed our breakup and I found that it was all based on a bunch of miscommunication and misconceptions. But it changed nothing, because we went back to not talking.

It may seem that I wasn't fighting. But I was. I tried to arrange days for Jacob and I to talk about what had happened and about my feelings and things that I wanted to try and fix, but everytime Jacob cancelled or told me that he was firm on his decision in moving on. So it seemed absolutely pointless for me to even attempt trying to have a conversation with him. I would usually just get mad and stop talking to him.

I took a weekend "mental vacation" to Utah to visit with my parents to help my healing process. And it really did help me a lot. Jacob had agreed to have another talk with me, and my mom helped me to prepare for the talk. I knew that I needed to tell Jacob what I felt I had done wrong, and I needed answers about what he wanted from whatever was left of our relationship. I needed to tell him that I wanted him back and I was willing to do anything to get him back. When I got back to Texas, I was prepared for it, and I felt ready for it. But then, like the past two times we had tried to talk, he texted me and told me "I thought I should let you know, but I'm moving on." Just like that. I got really mad. I was so ready to talk to him, I had mentally rehearsed for it, and I was more ready this time than I had ever been before, and he's just going to drop that on me without even giving me a chance? Saying I was explosive is an understatement. I was so mad I drove up to Denton to retrieve a key to my apartment and my class ring rather than waiting for him to give them too me. I was tired of his games and of him using those as an excuse to keep me hanging around. I got my stuff and drove off before he could even say anything to me. I heard him start to say something, but I was gone before I could hear him say anything. We didn't talk for two weeks after that.

Those two weeks were the worst weeks of my life. The beginning was the hardest. I didn't know how to not talk to the kid, I hated not having him around to talk about my problems with, I hated the situation. I was trying to do things to keep my mind busy and to keep it off of him, but there were reminders of him everywhere I went. I was picking up groceries from the store and I reached into my purse and found a picture of him and lost it. I started crying my eyes out all over again. It started to get easier for me to feign happiness and to pretend everything was okay, but I cried myself to sleep every night, lost my appetite (I rarely ate anything, I've lost 15 pounds from that), and I was just depressed. I really was. And then, one day when I was sitting on my couch, bored and lonely as was usual, he texted me. Just a simple "Hey. I'm sorry we haven't talked in a while." I wasn't expecting it, it came out of the blue, but just that alone gave me hope.

He was going through some troubles of his own, and so we talked about them, in addition to our own issues. He decided to surprise me with a visit on October the 10th. It was just like old times. It started to rain really hard that night, so we went out to a parking lot and played in the rain. We wandered around Wal-Mart, and just had a lot of fun, just like we used to do. It felt good. I felt happy, normal, for the first time in weeks. I saw him the next day, and then he returned to Denton on Saturday. Saturday night, I didn't want to be lonely so I went up to Denton and visited. We were sitting and talking and then things went downhill once again. I won't get too far into the whole situation that ensued from this because it delves into a bit of Jacob's personal life, as well as a third party's. So let me briefly describe it.

A girl that I have always had an issue with trusting since the day Jacob told me about decided to come between Jacob and I again. She has her own boyfriend and was "just friends" with Jacob. When I went to Denton that Saturday night she got really mad that Jacob was hanging out with me and I honestly felt threatened. She told Jacob she wanted me to leave, and Jacob thought she was out in the
parking garage. Needless to say, I stayed the night at UNT and left the next morning. She told Jacob she was done and the cycle went back and fourth for the week. She eventually told Jacob that he had to choose between herself and me, which I thought was immature and ridiculous. What kind of friend would make another friend pick friends? I was very frustrated with her, especially with the stuff she kept saying to me. I got mad at her because she manipulated Jacob into telling me some very mean and hurtful things about me, in addition to other details I won't disclose. Wednesday night, Jacob called to tell me he was on the way because he needed someone. He told me that he chose me. I was expecting the opposite, and so was very surprised. The next day he went back on his word and chose the other girl. I cried, a lot. I didn't know whether to feel mad, sad, hurt, I just didn't know anything at all. I couldn't believe that he would turn his back on everything I had become. This other girl had called me "the clingiest girl she knew" and I believed her. It was all too much for me to take in. In a last ditch effort I sent Jacob an email describing my feelings about everything. Towards him, towards her, and also this:

We were best of friends. We met almost a year ago to the day, when you decided to be a dumb ass and lay in a pile of ants. I came over there and we laid in the grass staring up at the stars casually chatting. Aaron teased us about not being alone together even then. From there, I found out that some kid named Jacob wanted to become my steam friend. I had no idea who he was. He started messaging me on there and I thought he was flirting with me, and then he got mad and told me to stop spreading rumors. Eventually I had the guts to give you my phone number and from there our friendship flourished. We started running our random trips to Barnes and Noble, as a matter of fact, that was my first encounter alone with you, one of those trips. Then you were being all weird with not letting me choose the song on your phone to play on your radio, and driving me all over the state of Texas in order to delay for my surprise birthday party from, which we ended up bailing from to go have fun with our other activities. A month passed and I fell for you. Another month passed and we had our first kiss together (in your garage, if you didn't remember that detail). And the months started flying by. We experienced so many things together that I otherwise would not have experienced. You helped me to learn the streets of Midlothian and helped me to get in better touch with God. You introduced me to your wonderful family. I met your goofy ass dad, and your adorable mom, and your brother who reminds me of your dad with his goofy randomness. We shared favorite songs, favorite books, favorite movies. I met your crazy Aunt and Uncle, and my life was forever changed.

 It was just a simple recount of our past. A quick one, but a piece of our past nonetheless. That alone was enough to make him rethink everything. And he did. He told both the other girl and I that he needed time to think through it and that he needed to talk to somebody about it. In the end he chose me. Yes, we are still having a few issues with the things that happened, as I'm sure anybody would. I'm having troubles trusting him, and he knows that. The other girl came around and told me that she wanted us to get together again and date. And I am happy to say that we are. We realized that we can't stop loving each other, and even through it all I still love him as much as we did before all of this transpired. I will be able to trust him again in time, but for now, this is just an roadblock that we need to work through.

I have so many people on my side in all of this and I cannot begin to thank you all for your support. I know a lot of you are probably thinking I'm a stupid girl, and maybe I am. I have let Jacob know that this is his final chance. He knows that the moment he messes it up, I am done. I was almost done when he told me he chose her. I love him now, as I'm sure I will for a very long time, if not forever. I'm ready to move forward. With God on my side, I know that that is possible. I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with depression, I have pills I can take but I haven't taken them on the grounds that I feel better now. Happier. So please don't be too concerned about me on that front.

Again, thank you all for being there for me and being caring people. May God bless you in your lives as you have blessed me in mine.

~Alyssa

A New Start

So, it's been a while, and I know you all just love reading about my life (or lack thereof) which is why I am posting now. Just kidding, you're probably really bored which is the only reason you would want to read this. Because who would honestly read a personal blog for fun. I wouldn't (and don't)! Anyway, guess I'll get started with the actual entry.

I realized I failed to update you on a lot. Particularly the last month or so of school. So, briefly, I'll describe it. Really just two events, but still big things nonetheless.

So, the first of which is Prom, and it was a lot of fun! Jacob and I went together and that really jump-started our relationship together. I felt that we connected on levels we hadn't until that night. We had a lot of fun, not so much dancing, but doing all the other prom-y things. We went out to dinner with two other couples, just to Olive Garden (where I found out he wasn't a big fan of Italian...). After that Jacob and I split away from the group and went to his house for some pictures and to meet his parents, who were our escorts. It seems like that would be awkward, but I was grateful for it. It allowed Jacob and I to cuddle, and we were both pretty wore out after the night was over because Jacob had just barely got his voice back from Mono and a throat infection, and I was just getting over Mono myself. All in all, I'm really grateful they drove us. Afterward we went to both our houses, changed, and went to a bonfire. We were there until around 4 in the morning and just sat around, talked with friends, and enjoyed the night. So prom was fun.

The other thing is graduation. The last week of school, we only had graduation practice, and didn't have to go to any classes. My parents came into town (which I was really excited for) that week, and so it was overall just a good experience. Graduation was fun, walking across the stage was really great, I couldn't hear anything outside my name, and my beating heart. It was all a bunch of white noise. Our school had fireworks and then Jacob and I went to the Senior All Night Party (my first time pulling an all nighter). The All-Night party was all right. It was at a bowling alley/arcade and got really old really fast. We couldn't leave early either so we were just stuck there. But oh well. We still had fun. While my parents were in town, we signed a lease on an apartment, and that was really about all we did that is super noteable anyway.

I want to talk about the relationship with me and Jacob here, but I'd have to go back and fourth a lot, so I'll save that....

Moving along, we enter the summer months. In June, I was really stressing, I was supposed to move into an Apartment July fifth and I still didn't have a job. I was putting in 3 applications minimum every day and creating a list of companies that I had applied to so I could call in and see what the deal was with my application. In my desperation for a job, I applied for a place called Racetrac, a gas station, and got a call back for an interview. Initially I was really nervous because the location they wanted me to work at was really sketchy, and my mom kept telling me to just go to the interview and see where they would have me work. I really considered not going and just telling her that I went because of how nervous I was. But I went because my gut said I really should go, and it ended up going really, really well. The guy that was interviewing me at first told me that he would call me back if I got the job or not, but by the end of the interview he told me that I was hired. AND it wasn't in a sketchy location. Even better was the fact that I wasn't going to be making minimum wage. Needless to say, I took the job. I started the last week of June at a training location and then moved into my home store the first week of July, which was also the week I moved into my apartment.

My apartment move was anything but smooth. When I first got into it, there were carpet stains, crayon all over the walls and it wasn't clean. At all. My leasing agent came in and told me that they hadn't done a walk through or cleaned it and asked if I could delay my move in. Which I told them I couldn't because my parents were driving here from Utah with all my stuff. Needless to say, they got right on it and all seemed to be going fine. The only other hiccup was with my internet. My order got mixed up and I wasn't able to have internet the first week I moved in, which really sucked because I also started a summer college class and it was all online. After my internet was all installed, things went a lot better for me.

I went to Quakecon in the middle of July and holy wow... it was the most fun I've had in a very long time. Quakecon is a HUGE gaming event with a giant LAN party where everyone brought their computers to game on, they had game releases, and booths and raffles... for me it was like being a five year old in a toy store. There were so many awesome computers, and I just had a lot of fun gaming and being with my friends. Jacob and I ended up being in a room together (with 2 other guys) at the hotel so that was a pretty good benefit too. ;)

And then August was just a usual grind for me. Working, schooling, and trying to figure out my new life. I really have anything to say about August honestly. So I won't.

And now for what I was going to say about Jacob and I. So we decided to make it official on April first (go figure, but I'm being serious. It's not an April Fools) which was the day we had our first kiss. We spent almost every day of the summer together doing anything and everything we could together. We ran errands with each other, we went to random places together, swam together, ate together... and it was so great. I really hope that I stay with him for a very long time because I have never met anyone so perfect for me before him. And now that college started, I hardly see him anymore.

After such a good summer of being together and now being separated it's really been hard for me. I have been having troubles sleeping at night, I've developed anxiety, and overall it's just taking a toll. Our communication has gone down the drain, as if never seeing him wasn't enough. Recently he's made friends with a lot of girls and I've had a lot of issues with jealousy, trusting him to know what is right and what is wrong, and feeling like I've been replaced. I've been working on it, but I feel like those are all just natural reactions that a girl has when they essentially lose someone they were so close to. This conversion to a long distance relationship has been really hard and I only hope that it will get easier.

College is all right too. I enjoy all my classes and professors, particularly my government and history classes, but it is still just school for me. I haven't really made any friends which really sucks, but I'm working on that as well. The school itself is all right, I just wish that I knew more people. My anxiety there is killer. But I get through it.

I've also been stressing out because recently at work we went through a large change in which our scheduling was handled. Instead of the stores handling their own schedules, corporate is taking over. I had planned on getting 27-30 hours a week and now I'm making 23. Four hours does not seem like a big loss to a lot of people, but when you are a broke college kid with bills, it can be the difference between eating that night and not. It can be the difference in having enough gas to make it to school or not. And not a lot of my friends understand that because their parents are all either paying for every part of their college education, or for their living arrangements. Luckily I don't have to pay rent, but I'm really nervous to see what my check is going to look like with these 23 hours. Only time will tell what it will be like.

Anyway. That's all I really have to say for now, so I hope you made it to the end. Oliver (my cat I recently got) has been trying to type messages which I have deleted. But he and I both give you all best wishes in your road of life too.

Sincerely,
Alyssa

(And Oliver the kitten)

Too Many Lasts...

I rarely post, and I get a lot of crap from a lot of people because of that, but I have to have something to write on, and if I don't, I just don't post. So here we go...

This week was my last official week of High School. Though I graduate Friday, I don't have to go to school anymore. I am officially free from High School. It hasn't sank in that the doors that I walked into every day this past year, the seat I took in each of my classes, and the hallways I wandered through I'm never going to see again. It hasn't sank in that each of the underclassmen I came into contact with I'm never going to see again. Wow, that's crazy and it's sad. It seems that I have another fast approaching Monday to dread. But I don't. I'm done. That is a weird feeling.

The feeling sank in a little more tonight as I said my final goodbyes to all of my theater classmates. I realized that as a theater department we were officially done for the year, and that I will be officially done with Tech Theater. We were such a close family that it really is hard to believe that we are done for good. But I wouldn't have it any other way.

I've never been one for goodbyes, and I am awful at them. I hate saying goodbye, because I feel like they are just such an abrupt ending to something that was and could have been better than it already was. And as I'm reflecting on my past High School experience, I'm realizing that I'm feeling the same way I was before I moved here as I said goodbye to all my friends in Utah. But what everyone says is so true, you just kind of move on and forget A LOT of people. Yes they touched your life, and they left a lasting impression on you, but their face, their voice, them as a person-- they're nothing more than a forgotten memory, and that is a little more comforting to me knowing that and knowing that I have something bigger and better in store for me.

On that subject, I'm grateful to the numerous people that I was able to meet and befriend this year. I'm in debt to you all. I have more friends than I think I could even count. The love I feel from so many people is incredible, and the ways you all touched my life is incredible. And for that, I thank all my classmates and schoolmates. You made my Senior Year truly unforgettable.

That being said, as I go through all these lasts, I realize that I was wanting it all to end so quickly, and I wish that I would have slowed down and enjoyed it a little more. But I am looking forward to all of the many firsts that I'm going to experience, and I'm ready to face even more lasts. That's all life is... firsts and lasts. It all just depends on how you approach these firsts and lasts. Is it going to be with fear and apprehension, or is it going to be with optimism?

Scary Stuff....

I think I'm going to try something new this time around, and I'm going to tell the internet what I feel are my biggest vulnerabilities- and that's my emotions. I'm really scared to do this, please don't judge me for this awful entry.

First off, this week my emotions have been all over the place. I'm happier than I have ever been, now that I'm basically in a relationship with someone, but on top of that, I have been nervous beyond relief it seemed.

Tuesday was Senior Breakfast (the name says it all) and it was a lot of fun. I went with my friend Jacob, and we met up with a bunch of our friends there. We went and ate breakfast, then the boys went on a bike ride and I met them in town for some lunch. Before then, I had received a call from my doctor telling me that one of the hormone levels was still high and that they wanted to do an MRI to see if I had tumors on my Pituitary Gland. Whether they're benign or not, that is an absolutely horrifying thought for me. And it was scary to even think that I had to get an MRI. I had been worrying about it all week, and even though I told my friends that I was okay, I really wasn't. I was incredibly nervous, and scared. Scared of the unknown, I suppose.

Then, even worse it seems to me, I might be going to Prom with my friend, but some things happened and now I don't know if it's happening or not. I really hope that he can go, but I totally understand if he can't. I'm just so so nervous that we won't be able to go. Truth is, I really enjoy this kid's company, and I can't think of a better way to spend my Senior Prom than with one of my very best friends. Needless to say, I don't have a for sure answer on that either, and I don't expect to have one for a while.

After that, it seemed I was on an upward trend. I was able to register for a really big PC gaming event in July with all of my guy friends, and also get my own hotel room, and I am so stoked for that. Our group was all really nervous that we wouldn't get in. But then we did. And that was a big relief and is definitely something to look forward to!

And then the MRI came. The stupid little gown I had to wear and the blankets they gave me smelled awful, like vomit. It seriously made me want to puke. The MRI itself wasn't so bad. But I am still so scared of what the results will be. I'm being optimistic, but at the same time, realistic because I know that there still is a chance that they won't be good, but optimistic because I know you can't dwell on the what-ifs and the bad things of life. I believe that if you dwell on those things, the chance of them happening increases. That's how life seems to work for me and a lot of other people I know.

So even though my emotions really were all over the place, I realized that it's all right to be scared, nervous, to show that you are happier than I have been in a long while. This is something that I struggle with often, and I know that is also something that I need to work on. How can people know the true me if I never show the true me? They can't.

Lame right? Like I said, don't judge.

Have a fantastic uh- future y'all!
~Alyssa

P.S. Jacob's parents are letting us go to Prom together!

P.S.S. I got Out-of-State tuition at UTA... :(

Reflections

I'm going to do a little recap of my life before I get going with this entry. I'm just bullet pointing this all out, so it won't be very detailed, but here we go!

1. I FINALLY got my laptop that I ordered clear back in December. Works wonderfully, and I love it. Guess what I'm writing this update off of? 
2. I rebuilt my computer. Though there are still a few bugs that I need to work out, it works amazing and I totally love it!
3. This past week has been spring break and it has been so relaxing and nice, I'm grateful for the break. I really haven't done much. I found my Prom Dress, went to the Dallas World Aquarium, read my book, played on my computers. And that's really it.
4. I admitted I had a crush on this guy....... and told him about it.......
5. I went to the doctor, found out I have a hormonal imbalance, and that could be why I feel so tired all the time. I go back again for more bloodwork (ew) so hopefully we figure out what is wrong with me!

That's really all the new things that have happened though! Not too eventful. But what I really wanted to write about was all the things that have changed since I last announced I was going to be moving here, about a year ago. There's so much that I could say about this subject, brace for a long one.

First and foremost, this has been one of the very fist times I've done something that's been beneficial for me. Not anyone else, but me. It's been something that I should have done a long time ago, because you can only help out so many people before you need to start worrying about yourself. This, for me, has been so beneficial to me in so many ways. I take for granted a lot of the things I didn't have before my big move, but reflecting on it now, I realize that there are a lot of things I have to be grateful for.

Life for me in Utah was just not... not life. It wasn't living. I didn't have very many friends, and the ones I did have were far and few. A lot of them judged me based on the fact that I wasn't Mormon and that got so annoying. I never was really able to get out and do much. I struggled making friends. And when High School came? I missed out on so many cliched High School opportunities because I wasn't Mormon, or I wasn't 16, or some other lame excuse. I never had a boyfriend, not until after I realized I was moving. Though I had several crushes, they were all dead ends because we would never work out, not being different religions, it was against many Utahns' ways of living. I didn't experience my first High school dance until Junior Year. I never got to go to a Homecoming dance. I never got a clique to call my own, where I really fit in, where all of us went out and did things dang near every weekend. My Friday nights and weekends were spent merely staying at home, dreaming of a life I thought I could never have.

Moving here, to Texas, was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my entire life. I had to make myself look strong in front of all of my doubters. I had to do it though. I had to prove them wrong, I needed to do this for myself. I was leaving my meager amounts of friends, my family, and my parents. Seeing them off for the last time, that was one of the hardest things of my life. I remember just crying my eyes out after my going away party. And harder still, I remember giving, who was my boyfriend at the time, the very last kiss and hug I'd ever give him. My very best friend, Jake L., met me at my house that morning to see me off, and it was so fitting to have my best friend, be the last friend I'd see in Utah. It was so hard though. I cried, and I cried hard. Driving was so difficult. When I finally dropped my dog off at the boarder, that's when the feeling sank in. That so many people I'd just touched for the last time, seen for the last time. Maybe those weren't my real friends, I wouldn't have known, at the time. I was traveling to live in a place I'd only visited for a week. And even then, I didn't know anybody but the people I live with now. I had no friends until school started. I had no one. No one. My parents stayed a week and had to leave too. That left me feeling empty. The last shred of everything I'd known were going the 2500 miles back to Utah. My childhood. My life.

Then my senior year started. And its flown by right before my eyes. Sooner than I know it, it's going to be graduation, and I'll be crying my eyes out all over again, this time over people I'll likely never see again. I've made so many friends, so many more people know me that I don't even know. I have people come up to me in the hallway, and I just kind of give them a stupid look because I legitimately just don't know their names. I'm loved by so many more people than I care to count. And though I have my "down days," days I'll ball my eyes out because I miss someone or something back in Utah, my good days infinitely outnumber the "down days." I'm honestly the happiest I've been since I was a little girl and was too young to understand anything. And yes, I do stress out over typical adult things, something I don't wish on any adolescent like me, but I would do all of this all over again. Every single bit of this experience has been worth it. The road is rough but I've grown stronger. I feel like a more beautified person because of the things I've learned.

Basically, what I'm getting at here, you never know what road God is going to lay out for you. You never know what is behind that next door you open, or what you're truly leaving behind when you close another. I still strongly believe in just going with the flow, letting Him plan our lives for us as we strive to obtain dreams that seem impossible, and try to make the most of the life He has given us. Sometimes, even if the idea seems bizarre and outlandish, you just need to ask. I never in a million years would have dreamt, that my parents would let me do what I have done. But if I wouldn't have just taken the gutsy move and just asked, I never would have known the people I know now, done the things I've done or am doing. I wouldn't have learned the things I've learned. Live for the moment. Be smart about it, but don't be scared to go into the unknown. It's scary. It's so d**n horrifying, but I can almost promise, nine times out of ten, it will be more than worth it. If everyone would listen to just one thing I had to say, it would be to take the hard road. Don't live your life on easy-street. Dare to difficult things, and reach for the furthest of stars. Sometimes you'll make it, sometimes you'll just have to pick yourself up and try again. Life isn't easy, and if it is, you're not doing it right.

~Alyssa

Celebrations

So I intended on writing all of this a lot sooner than I actually am, but (obviously) that didn't happen, so here it goes!

I am finally 18, and even though not a lot changed from being 17, the things that did change make things for me a lot more convenient. For example, I can actually get Over the Counter medicines when I need them (ie allergy pills, cold medicine), and I can make my own doctors appointments and take myself to the doctor without parental supervision. These are things that a lot of kids my age overlook, but they are something that make life a lot easier for me, especially living away from my parents.

The festivities and celebrations that went into celebrating my very special day were awesome. There are 2 stories in particular that I thought I'd share.

Friday was my actual birthday. That morning, I got up a little earlier in order to leave my house earlier to go and get my license renewed. While there, I said yes to Organ Donation (because, honestly, once I'm dead, I really don't care what you do with my body. If someone else can use it, then hey, take it all, kid!), and I also became a registered voter so I can have a say in what idiot gets into office next. Yvonne (my Texas mom) decorated my car, and it became slightly difficult to see. Someone put balloons all over my bathroom making it difficult to do really anything you'd usually do in there. But that wasn't it. When I got home from school that day, my family had decorated the kitchen/dining area of the house, and got me a cake and some balloons. Yvonne told me that she had a surprise for me and I went to go and set my stuff down really quick, and when I turned back around, I see my (Utah) mom come around the corner. Words cannot even express what I was feeling. I'd been missing my parents a lot that week, and so seeing here seriously made my entire week. I showed her around town a little bit, took her up to my college campus, and we went shopping. She left Sunday, but it was still something I'll never forget. At first, I couldn't believe she was actually there. I had to look away for a minute, then look back again just make sure she actually was there. She was.

After I dropped my mom off at the airport on Sunday, my friend Jacob and I had planned on going to Barnes and Noble together since that is a place we both mutually enjoy. We intended on just chilling and doing whatever after that. We went to Barnes and Noble, he got his book, and then we just kind of drove around for a while. He was texting a lot on his phone, and wouldn't let me see his phone to play his music. It was highly perplexing to me since he usually let me see it and mess around with it. He pulled over a minute and told me that one of our other friends, Aaron, had something to show us at his (Aaron's) place. So we drove over there. Aaron's dad found us and told us that Aaron was out in the barn. As we were walking into the barn, I was greeted by Confetti Bombs and "SURPRISE" shouts. Needless to say, I had walked into a surprise party with a bunch of my friends. We ate cake and ice cream, and had a bonfire, it really was a lot of fun. I couldn't think of a better way to celebrate my birthday than with the people I am closest to.

Anyway. Being 18 is great I suppose! I'm excited what this year has to bring me, how I'm going to change, and all the adventures that go along with it.

That's all I have this time, see y'all when I have something more to write about!
~Alyssa

Long Time No See!

Holy crap, it's been almost 2 months since I last posted to here. I need to work on that. I apologize for the inconsistent posts, especially to those that actually read what I write on here. I guess now it's just going to be quadruple duty.

After I posted my last time (clear back on December the first) not a whole lot happened. I got home, and life just sank back into it's usual routine of just going to school, hanging out, talking to friends, just the usual. Nothing really happened. So I'll start with after that, with my flight going back to Utah, and then my actual time there.

So I returned back to Utah on December 19th. I was really worried about it because I had to miss a day of school, which just happened to be a day that we took semester exams. I was originally supposed to miss both days we took exams, but I was super grateful that my mom was able to change my flight and make it so that I only missed one day. The flight going in was just... horrendous. That day, in Salt Lake City they got slammed with an ice storm and then probably close to a foot of snow on top of the ice that was already there. Needless to say, the airport shut down for a while, and that messed up the flights big time. I flew from Dallas, to Oklaholma, and then to Colorado where I made a plane change. That flight was delayed an hour so I just wandered about the airport and found food to eat, texted my friends, Facebooked, and then it was time to get back on. then we just sat on the tarmac waiting for the plane to get deiced for probably close to two hours. Needless to say, after I got off that plane, got my stuff, and had my parents drive me home, it was close to 2 in the morning. I was so tired. The flight going back was even worse.

So when I got to the airport, I noticed that the line to get your bags checked in at was incredibly long. I looked at the monitors and quickly realized why. There were flights being delayed and cancelled left and right. Thankfully, mine hadn't been. So I proceeded to get my stuff all checked in and got through security no problems at all. I went to my terminal and just sat and read my book, which is what I usually did. Then I hear on the intercom that the flight had been delayed for anytime upwards of an hour. I started to freak out because I had a layover for a plane change of only 25 minutes. There was no way I was going to make that connection. So then I went to the service desk, and they told me that they had to reschedule my flight, mine and 19 other people all going to Dallas. And the soonest they could get the flight was for 3 days later, and it was an early flight. I was pretty upset because at that point, I really just wanted to play my computer, guitar, and just be at home. I felt bad that I was as upset as I was, but isn't it human to feel that way? We eventually got my ticket refunded and I got a different flight, this one a direct flight from Salt Lake to Dallas. I liked that so much better. And that time, there were no issues.

As far as the actual trip itself is concerned it went really well. I got sick about 2 days before Christmas with the flu (thankfully I wasn't throwing up or anything), and I cannot even put into words how terrible that felt. It hurt just being touched in the lightest way. Thankfully I got over it mostly before Christmas came, although there were times when it just hit me again and I felt absolutely terrible. But I got over it. I got to see my family, learned how to play poker, hung out with a lot of my friends. It was pretty good. That whole getting sick thing though... just my luck. I went to visit my Grandmother at her grave-site and my mom bought a little Christmas Tree to put on it, and then I later made a wreath with purple poinsettia leaves, gold trim and a gold butterfly for her. I placed it on her wreath and we talked for a good while about all the stuff that's going on in my life. I know she would have loved the wreath I brought her if she were there to actually see it. Talking to her felt nice too. I just wish that I could visit her more often. And then also, Patrick and I got into a really big fight. We didn't talk for probably close to three weeks, and even then it was only because my phone spazzed out and sent him something.

A lot of you saw on Facebook that he cheated on me, which is basically true I suppose. I didn't really want to listen to anything he told me or talk to him, or even be friendly to him. And then when I confronted him about the whole situation he just wouldn't answer any of my questions and that's when I got really mad and upset. I won't say that things are back to the way they were, because they aren't, I'm still not exactly happy about what happened (especially since I have a hard time with letting go of mistakes and forgetting), and I think he knows that. He wanted to keep talking to me, which I told him would be fine but as nothing more than friends. We don't really talk all that often. And even when we do, it's just short and sweet. I don't think that I ever will be able to get over what happened, even if he did actually get over what happened between he and I clear back in November. At first I was pretty upset that we weren't talking anymore, but then I just kind of got over it. I just started to shut him out and started to move on. And to an extent, I still do shut him out. But I don't know. It's just a very complicated situation.

Other than that, nothing new has really happened. I got a new guitar that I've enjoyed playing a lot. It's just a 3/4 Size Martin Acoustic, she's pretty nice, makes a really good sound. I enjoy it. I've played guitar a lot more since getting that, and I can easily say that it's probably been one of my better impulse buys. I get out of school at 2:07 now, and it's really nice actually having time to get my errands ran and to get things done.

I recently got involved with my High School's Musical, Suessical, and I was running sound. I went to most of our set build days and a lot of the set building was left up to me. I cannot believe how awesome it turned out. We made it on the front page of the newspaper and had the best turnout that the school has seen in 4 years. All the cast and crew members were so involved in the show. We hit quite a few speed bumps, sure, but in the end, it all just came together. All the late nights at the school, all the countless weekends we spent at the school, they were all completely worth it. I've heard nothing but rave reviews from classmates and my neighbors that went to see it. I miss being able to work things like that with a great passion. Even though it was one of the most stressful things I've done in a while, I would definitely go through it all over again, especially after meeting all the cool people I met.

I got a Christmas Card from my best friend, Jake, if you remember me talking about him. He's currently in Calgary, Canada serving a LDS mission. He emailed me the other day and told me that he sent out an email and words cannot describe how excited I am to get that from him. It will be the first time (other than the Christmas Card) that I've received anything from him that isn't electronic. I miss him so much and I look forward to the day that I can finally hear him on the phone, or over Skype, or even see him in person.

Anyway. That's really all that's happened. I'll post (hopefully) sooner or later! You guys are all awesome, keep being like that!
~Alyssa