- I FINALLY got my laptop that I ordered clear back in December. Works wonderfully, and I love it. Guess what I'm writing this update off of?
- I rebuilt my computer. Though there are still a few bugs that I need to work out, it works amazing and I totally love it!
- This past week has been spring break and it has been so relaxing and nice, I'm grateful for the break. I really haven't done much. I found my Prom Dress, went to the Dallas World Aquarium, read my book, played on my computers. And that's really it.
- I admitted I had a crush on this guy....... and told him about it.......
- I went to the doctor, found out I have a hormonal imbalance, and that could be why I feel so tired all the time. I go back again for more bloodwork (ew) so hopefully we figure out what is wrong with me!
That's really all the new things that have happened though! Not too eventful. But what I really wanted to write about was all the things that have changed since I last announced I was going to be moving here, about a year ago. There's so much that I could say about this subject, brace for a long one.
First and foremost, this has been one of the very fist times I've done something that's been beneficial for me. Not anyone else, but me. It's been something that I should have done a long time ago, because you can only help out so many people before you need to start worrying about yourself. This, for me, has been so beneficial to me in so many ways. I take for granted a lot of the things I didn't have before my big move, but reflecting on it now, I realize that there are a lot of things I have to be grateful for.
Life for me in Utah was just not... not life. It wasn't living. I didn't have very many friends, and the ones I did have were far and few. A lot of them judged me based on the fact that I wasn't Mormon and that got so annoying. I never was really able to get out and do much. I struggled making friends. And when High School came? I missed out on so many cliched High School opportunities because I wasn't Mormon, or I wasn't 16, or some other lame excuse. I never had a boyfriend, not until after I realized I was moving. Though I had several crushes, they were all dead ends because we would never work out, not being different religions, it was against many Utahns' ways of living. I didn't experience my first High school dance until Junior Year. I never got to go to a Homecoming dance. I never got a clique to call my own, where I really fit in, where all of us went out and did things dang near every weekend. My Friday nights and weekends were spent merely staying at home, dreaming of a life I thought I could never have.
Moving here, to Texas, was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my entire life. I had to make myself look strong in front of all of my doubters. I had to do it though. I had to prove them wrong, I needed to do this for myself. I was leaving my meager amounts of friends, my family, and my parents. Seeing them off for the last time, that was one of the hardest things of my life. I remember just crying my eyes out after my going away party. And harder still, I remember giving, who was my boyfriend at the time, the very last kiss and hug I'd ever give him. My very best friend, Jake L., met me at my house that morning to see me off, and it was so fitting to have my best friend, be the last friend I'd see in Utah. It was so hard though. I cried, and I cried hard. Driving was so difficult. When I finally dropped my dog off at the boarder, that's when the feeling sank in. That so many people I'd just touched for the last time, seen for the last time. Maybe those weren't my real friends, I wouldn't have known, at the time. I was traveling to live in a place I'd only visited for a week. And even then, I didn't know anybody but the people I live with now. I had no friends until school started. I had no one. No one. My parents stayed a week and had to leave too. That left me feeling empty. The last shred of everything I'd known were going the 2500 miles back to Utah. My childhood. My life.
Then my senior year started. And its flown by right before my eyes. Sooner than I know it, it's going to be graduation, and I'll be crying my eyes out all over again, this time over people I'll likely never see again. I've made so many friends, so many more people know me that I don't even know. I have people come up to me in the hallway, and I just kind of give them a stupid look because I legitimately just don't know their names. I'm loved by so many more people than I care to count. And though I have my "down days," days I'll ball my eyes out because I miss someone or something back in Utah, my good days infinitely outnumber the "down days." I'm honestly the happiest I've been since I was a little girl and was too young to understand anything. And yes, I do stress out over typical adult things, something I don't wish on any adolescent like me, but I would do all of this all over again. Every single bit of this experience has been worth it. The road is rough but I've grown stronger. I feel like a more beautified person because of the things I've learned.
Basically, what I'm getting at here, you never know what road God is going to lay out for you. You never know what is behind that next door you open, or what you're truly leaving behind when you close another. I still strongly believe in just going with the flow, letting Him plan our lives for us as we strive to obtain dreams that seem impossible, and try to make the most of the life He has given us. Sometimes, even if the idea seems bizarre and outlandish, you just need to ask. I never in a million years would have dreamt, that my parents would let me do what I have done. But if I wouldn't have just taken the gutsy move and just asked, I never would have known the people I know now, done the things I've done or am doing. I wouldn't have learned the things I've learned. Live for the moment. Be smart about it, but don't be scared to go into the unknown. It's scary. It's so d**n horrifying, but I can almost promise, nine times out of ten, it will be more than worth it. If everyone would listen to just one thing I had to say, it would be to take the hard road. Don't live your life on easy-street. Dare to difficult things, and reach for the furthest of stars. Sometimes you'll make it, sometimes you'll just have to pick yourself up and try again. Life isn't easy, and if it is, you're not doing it right.
~Alyssa
First and foremost, this has been one of the very fist times I've done something that's been beneficial for me. Not anyone else, but me. It's been something that I should have done a long time ago, because you can only help out so many people before you need to start worrying about yourself. This, for me, has been so beneficial to me in so many ways. I take for granted a lot of the things I didn't have before my big move, but reflecting on it now, I realize that there are a lot of things I have to be grateful for.
Life for me in Utah was just not... not life. It wasn't living. I didn't have very many friends, and the ones I did have were far and few. A lot of them judged me based on the fact that I wasn't Mormon and that got so annoying. I never was really able to get out and do much. I struggled making friends. And when High School came? I missed out on so many cliched High School opportunities because I wasn't Mormon, or I wasn't 16, or some other lame excuse. I never had a boyfriend, not until after I realized I was moving. Though I had several crushes, they were all dead ends because we would never work out, not being different religions, it was against many Utahns' ways of living. I didn't experience my first High school dance until Junior Year. I never got to go to a Homecoming dance. I never got a clique to call my own, where I really fit in, where all of us went out and did things dang near every weekend. My Friday nights and weekends were spent merely staying at home, dreaming of a life I thought I could never have.
Moving here, to Texas, was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my entire life. I had to make myself look strong in front of all of my doubters. I had to do it though. I had to prove them wrong, I needed to do this for myself. I was leaving my meager amounts of friends, my family, and my parents. Seeing them off for the last time, that was one of the hardest things of my life. I remember just crying my eyes out after my going away party. And harder still, I remember giving, who was my boyfriend at the time, the very last kiss and hug I'd ever give him. My very best friend, Jake L., met me at my house that morning to see me off, and it was so fitting to have my best friend, be the last friend I'd see in Utah. It was so hard though. I cried, and I cried hard. Driving was so difficult. When I finally dropped my dog off at the boarder, that's when the feeling sank in. That so many people I'd just touched for the last time, seen for the last time. Maybe those weren't my real friends, I wouldn't have known, at the time. I was traveling to live in a place I'd only visited for a week. And even then, I didn't know anybody but the people I live with now. I had no friends until school started. I had no one. No one. My parents stayed a week and had to leave too. That left me feeling empty. The last shred of everything I'd known were going the 2500 miles back to Utah. My childhood. My life.
Then my senior year started. And its flown by right before my eyes. Sooner than I know it, it's going to be graduation, and I'll be crying my eyes out all over again, this time over people I'll likely never see again. I've made so many friends, so many more people know me that I don't even know. I have people come up to me in the hallway, and I just kind of give them a stupid look because I legitimately just don't know their names. I'm loved by so many more people than I care to count. And though I have my "down days," days I'll ball my eyes out because I miss someone or something back in Utah, my good days infinitely outnumber the "down days." I'm honestly the happiest I've been since I was a little girl and was too young to understand anything. And yes, I do stress out over typical adult things, something I don't wish on any adolescent like me, but I would do all of this all over again. Every single bit of this experience has been worth it. The road is rough but I've grown stronger. I feel like a more beautified person because of the things I've learned.
Basically, what I'm getting at here, you never know what road God is going to lay out for you. You never know what is behind that next door you open, or what you're truly leaving behind when you close another. I still strongly believe in just going with the flow, letting Him plan our lives for us as we strive to obtain dreams that seem impossible, and try to make the most of the life He has given us. Sometimes, even if the idea seems bizarre and outlandish, you just need to ask. I never in a million years would have dreamt, that my parents would let me do what I have done. But if I wouldn't have just taken the gutsy move and just asked, I never would have known the people I know now, done the things I've done or am doing. I wouldn't have learned the things I've learned. Live for the moment. Be smart about it, but don't be scared to go into the unknown. It's scary. It's so d**n horrifying, but I can almost promise, nine times out of ten, it will be more than worth it. If everyone would listen to just one thing I had to say, it would be to take the hard road. Don't live your life on easy-street. Dare to difficult things, and reach for the furthest of stars. Sometimes you'll make it, sometimes you'll just have to pick yourself up and try again. Life isn't easy, and if it is, you're not doing it right.
~Alyssa
